Grief and Anniversaries

Today would have been my 12th anniversary. It is a really tough day and one that I must endure alone. This is the second anniversary since my husband's death. There are times when it still seems unreal - is he really gone forever? People seem to think that becoming a widow at a young age offers some kind of advantage. They think it hurts less because you were not married that long. They forget that I have not been widowed after being married 50 years so I cannot compare my pain and somehow minimize it to "not being as bad." No one talks to me about my husband anymore. I suppose people either feel that I've moved on or they do not want to bring up the pain. Yes, I have continued to live and have written new chapters in my life but my husband will always be a part of me. You don't just move on from those that you have loved. Many of my tearful remembrances have now become happy ones. I think of my husband and smile or laugh. Sadly, there is no one with whom I can share these moments. No one remembers that today is the day that I pledged "till death do us part." I don't really have the energy or the inclination to bring it to anyone's attention - so I will deal with this day as I have all the others- alone. I will mourn, laugh, cry and try not to feel self pity. I will remind myself that life does indeed continue to be an adventure filled with change, wonder, and challenges. I will thank God for the time that I had with my dearly beloved. I will embrace the lessons that I learned and continue to grow as a person. I will work through this difficult day, with faith and an undeniable truth that this too shall pass.

Hug someone you love today, you may not get another opportunity.

Is it really Spring?

Soon after I wrote my last post, the weather once again returned to Winter conditions. What a dirty trick! It seems that this has been the "Year of Weird" for weather everywhere. I'm not sure if its due to global warming or not, but I do know that the weather has an effect on your mood. As I look out the window today, I see trees blowing and rain gently falling. That normally would lull me into a sense of peace, but yesterday it waas blue skies and sunshine, and people were driving around with the top down! Going from wonderful to dreary overnight makes it very difficult to spring into action (pardon the pun). I am expending a great deal of energy today, motivating myself to work. This poses a real problem because I'm self-employed, and if I don't work, I don't eat! Yesterday, people were smiling and willing to chat. Today, everyone is gloomy and in a hurry to just get through the day. Still others look up at the sky and will the sun to shine. They refuse to carry an umbrella or dress in warmer clothing, by golly its Spring, even if the weather will not cooperate! Well, I'm going to put on my sunglasses, pick up my umbrella and head out to drum up business. It may be cold outside, but in my heart it's Springtime baby!

Make it a great day! Karen