Saturday, May 21, 2005

Grief and Anniversaries

Today would have been my 12th anniversary. It is a really tough day and one that I must endure alone. This is the second anniversary since my husband's death. There are times when it still seems unreal - is he really gone forever? People seem to think that becoming a widow at a young age offers some kind of advantage. They think it hurts less because you were not married that long. They forget that I have not been widowed after being married 50 years so I cannot compare my pain and somehow minimize it to "not being as bad." No one talks to me about my husband anymore. I suppose people either feel that I've moved on or they do not want to bring up the pain. Yes, I have continued to live and have written new chapters in my life but my husband will always be a part of me. You don't just move on from those that you have loved. Many of my tearful remembrances have now become happy ones. I think of my husband and smile or laugh. Sadly, there is no one with whom I can share these moments. No one remembers that today is the day that I pledged "till death do us part." I don't really have the energy or the inclination to bring it to anyone's attention - so I will deal with this day as I have all the others- alone. I will mourn, laugh, cry and try not to feel self pity. I will remind myself that life does indeed continue to be an adventure filled with change, wonder, and challenges. I will thank God for the time that I had with my dearly beloved. I will embrace the lessons that I learned and continue to grow as a person. I will work through this difficult day, with faith and an undeniable truth that this too shall pass.

Hug someone you love today, you may not get another opportunity.

1 comment:

Keri said...

Dearest Karen-

I check in with you here every now and then. As big of a day as this was for me- I did sent many thoughts and prayers out to you. I can't say that I know how you feel, I think that would be insulting because I don't. You have a special spirit about you that confirms to me that God has a plan for you- even if it is merely bringing smiles to the faces of those around you. I miss you and hearing your voice! Love you lots & have a wonderful summer!