Friday, June 20, 2008

Are you a commitment phobe?

by Karen D. Swim, Photo: Jeff Belmonte,


”Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes... but no plans.” --Peter F. Drucker

Do you have a fear of commitment? According to, "Commitment phobia is the fear and avoidance of having to commit, particularly to relationships." The site offers a commitment readiness test to help you assess if you are commitment phobic or "ready to take the proverbial plunge?"

Commitment phobia is not exclusive to relationships. You may fear making a commitment to yourself. You will not invest the time and resources in your goals and dreams because you are not quite ready to take the plunge.

Commitment to yourself requires a willingness to accept change, and that can be scary. However, change is necessary as standing in the same place, doing the same thing will yield the same results.

"The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt." --Rollo May

Commitment moves your "I Want" to "I Will." When you are fully engaged, losing is no longer an option. Tiger Woods did not delay surgery because he wanted to win the US Open. He made a firm commitment, stating his intention to win the US Open.

Melanie Roach captured the #1 one spot on the four woman 2008 Olympic Team. Melanie has a full life as the mother of three small children under the age of six, one of whom is autistic, owner/operator of a gymnastics training facility with over 500 students, wife of fourth term incumbent Washington State House of Representatives legislator, and Sunday school teacher! Yet, she committed to her dream of making the Olympic team and made it happen.

As in relationships, commitment does not come without bumps in the road. You are certain to hit some speed bumps along the way. Work through them and keep moving forward. As you move through challenges you will find that your commitment will deepen. Do not fear the challenge, fear quitting!

Are you willing to take the plunge for YOU today?


Ellen Wilson said...

Hey Karen,

I'm glad your back from your fishing trip. You netted a good post!

Great words for me today.

We are afraid of committment because if there is a failure, we have spent a lot of time climbing up the mountain - for what? We want a sure thing. Uncertainty makes us unhappy and uneasy. There is always something different we could try right around the corner...and maybe it would solve all of our problems.

But that things requires a commitment, too.

I think I have been a commitment phobe at different periods of my life.

Anonymous said...

I was going to comment on this.

But I dont' wanna say anything that could come back later and haunt me. I like to keep my options know...

:- )

- Friar

Words For Hire said...

Hey Ellen, Oh yea, me too! I write this stuff to keep a fire lit under myself! LOL! Sometimes we fear failure and sometimes I think success scares us too. One of the reasons I went fishing was to cast a wider net and commit to my success. I'm so glad to have you all around, it really keeps me encouraged...and laughing which brings me to:

Friar, LOL! Yes, no comments, the future Mrs. Deep Friar may be reading. :)

Brad Shorr said...

Hi Karen & co., There's an old analogy I like to use when consulting. The best business approach is "ready, aim, fire." Not nearly as good is "ready, fire, aim." But the worst approach of all is "ready, aim, aim, aim, aim." Same applies to life in general. If you never pull the trigger, nothing ever happens.

Andrew said...

Melanie Roach sounds like a very busy person!

Committment means facing one's fears - getting off the fence and into the ring.

Certainly not something which comes naturally to me.



Words For Hire said...

Brad, I confess that I have sometimes been guilty of not pulling the trigger! Great words of wisdom!

Andrew, welcome to your new support system. :) The blogging community is filled with gracious people with different strengths and weaknesses. You will always find someone willing to support you as we all grow together. Now put on those gloves, and get in there. :-)

Melissa Donovan said...

I'm going to echo what Friar said except to add that it would be pretty hard to achieve anything if you never made a commitment of any kind. What to commit to? That is the question!

Melissa Donovan at Writing Forward

Words For Hire said...

Melissa, you said a mouthful! I think we have all gotten stuck deciding what to commit to but I think it starts with the bigger picture of committing to yourself first. Then you pick that "thing" whether it's your career, business, writing a book and pursue it with all you've got. The times that I have been uncertain of me are the times I went from one thing to another, it wasn't the plan that was faulty it was the foundation that was shaky. Have you found that to be true too?

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